three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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