Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
