Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
