dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
