Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
