Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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