I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
