Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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