I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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