Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
