I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
