She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
