it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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