There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
