This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
