Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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