he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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