You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
