yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
