Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
