every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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