I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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