i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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