I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
