Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
