Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
