You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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