Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She needs sedatives and a leash
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
