if only i could text you this smell
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
