Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize