And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
