They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
