So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
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