I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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