I'm going to jail i love you
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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