wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
