I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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