When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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