shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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