Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Randomize
