I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
