I could make wine with my vomit
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
