Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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