We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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