...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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