i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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