Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
