I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize