the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
