well you can't waste a boner
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
