I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
