Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
