You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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