I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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