i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
