You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
