ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Farmville is her only friend.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
