i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
