It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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