There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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