Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
