Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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