i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
