my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
