I think I won the penis lottery.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
