Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
