Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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