paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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