he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Randomize
