My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
