"it" just moved
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
