listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
